Radical Self-Love & Glimmers: Finding Small Moments of Worth

Written By Guest User

By Lakshmi Sithambaram

This month, we're diving into Radical Self-Love-not as a buzzword, but as a practice of remembering our worth. 

What if self-love wasn't something we had to earn, but something we already deserved? And what if the smallest moments-what Deb Dana calls glimmers-could help us reclaim it?

WHAT IS RADICAL SELF-LOVE? 

Sonya Renee Taylor describes it as an unshakable belief in our inherent worth-not because of what we achieve, how we look, or what others think, but simply because we exist. 

Radical Self-Love is not about fixing ourselves. It's about recognizing that we were never broken in the first place. It's about unlearning the harmful messages that tell us we are not enough and choosing instead to see ourselves as whole, valuable, and deserving of love-without condition. 

And yet, this can feel radical because we live in a world that profits from our insecurities.

Oppressive systems thrive when we doubt ourselves-when we feel like we have to shrink, hustle for worthiness, or seek approval from forces that were never meant to serve us. 

That's why Radical Self-Love is not just personal-it's also collective and revolutionary. When we choose to love ourselves fully, we challenge the very systems that tell us we shouldn't.

RADICAL SELF-LOVE & THE LADDER 

Sonya Renee Taylor, in her book The Body Is Not an Apology, explains how we learn to measure ourselves against the Ladder-a system that ranks human value based on appearance, identity, and social norms. The Ladder teaches us to strive, compare, and shrink, convincing us that love and belonging must be earned. But Radical self-love invites us to step off the Ladder and remember our inherent worth. Yet, this shift isn't always easy-especially when we've internalized messages that tell us otherwise. This is where glimmers come in. 

GLIMMERS: MICRO-MOMENTS OF RADICAL SELF-LOVE 

Deb Dana, who works with Polyvagal Theory, describes glimmers as those small but powerful cues that help our nervous system feel safe and connected. While trauma and oppression heighten our awareness of threats, glimmers train us to notice safety, joy, and self-compassion—even in small ways. This in turn she believes strengthens our ability to turn toward whats happening in the world around us. 

Radical self-love isn't just about big, transformative moments; it's built in tiny, everyday acts of noticing glimmers and letting them land. 

  • A warm breeze on your skin. 

  • The feeling of a deep breath settling in your body. 

  • A song that makes you feel at home in yourself. 

  • A moment of kindness-toward yourself or from someone else. 

These moments may seem small, but they rewire us to believe we are worthy of love and belonging, just as we are.

HOW GLIMMERS HELP US STEP OFF THE LADDER

Each time we notice a glimmer, we disrupt the belief that we must earn self-worth. Instead of waiting until we've "fixed" ourselves to feel at peace, we begin to cultivate safety and love in the present moment.

Start a Glimmer Journal: At the end of the day, write down a moment where you felt even a small sense of ease, joy, or connection.

Pause & Breathe: When you notice a glimmer, take a second to fully experience it. Let it sink in.

Offer Yourself Compassion: When the Ladder's voice creeps in, ask: "What glimmer can I find in this moment?"

SMALL MOMENTS, BIG SHIFTS

Radical self-love doesn't happen all at once-it happens in the quiet moments where we choose to honor our worth, even in small ways. Glimmers remind us that self-love isn't about achieving some future version of ourselves; it's about finding safety, joy, and connection right now, exactly as we are.

Each time we notice a glimmer, we loosen the grip of the Ladder and move toward something freer, softer, and more true.

Every Glimmer is a Step Toward Remembering:

We Were Always Enough

FURTHER EXPLORATION

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